Walk Around the World
by MeinBritishBroski
Summary: Lukas struggles to remember who he is in the world, what he had in the world, who he lost, and what he has to do in order to care for his son, Emil. Den/stripper!Nor. with Iceland chillin' on the side. Warnings on the inside. Please read! c:
1. Chapter 1

**Warning;** Strippers, angst, ideologically sensitive material in the next chapter and hints of mpreg (before you run away in disgust; just calm down and read it first before deciding it's gross :P).

I'll get the names out of the way -

**Emil;** Iceland  
><strong>LukasLuke/_Fairy_;** Norway  
><strong>Mikkel;<strong> Denmark  
><strong>MatildaMat/_Angel_;** fem!Canada  
><strong>TaimiAuntie/_Bunny_;** fem!Finland

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><p><strong>When All My Pieces Fall Apart<strong>

Lukas walked hurriedly around their small - rented - house, stuffing clothes and other things into a large black duffel bag, he would mumble to himself all the while completely ignoring the small tottering blue-eyed, white-haired child following him around whilst he did those things. The boy - who was really more of a baby - even waited outside of their shared bedroom door while his 'Daddy' got dressed. Their bedroom was the largest room in the house, save for their kitchen/living room, which was also their dining room.

"Why is Daddy going to work tonight?" he piped up as Lukas emerged from the room clad in a frumpy green hoodie and tattered jeans. Emil had Lukas' work schedule memorized. First week of the month was Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. But it was a _Sunday_, and Daddy never went to work on Sundays. Emil was a very smart child.

"Because that's what adults do, Emil. They go to work when their boss tells them to." he supplied dryly, patience laced with bitterness toward the higher-ranking man mentioned. It was always 'because it's the way things are'. Emil thirsted for better answers to his questions, but he never got anything more than the simple phrase 'Daddy doesn't like his job, but it's the only one he can get.' Lukas squatted down - seemingly in pain, most likely from the second layer of inappropriate clothes Emil wasn't allowed to see - to Emil's level and brushed the mop of white hair out of his eyes. He set his duffel bag up against the wall in the hallway before speaking,

"Let's get you into your pajamas, it's late. You remember the rules right?"

"Don't unlock the doors and windows. Don't answer the phone unless it's you or Auntie ... if the trolls under the bed ask for pudding don't give them any." Emil said with little certainty, especially the part about the trolls.

"Good boy." Lukas smiled, picking the boy up by the waist. "Hmph, you're getting big, Emil."

"I'm almost three and a half." he whispered, quite proud of himself.

It was about then that Lukas' cell phone rang, singing out a song that made Emil's ears hurt. Lukas picked it up and hit 'talk', sandwiching the phone between his ear and shoulder as he helped Emil clamber into his bed and pull on his pajama pants and shirt.

"Hello, Matilda... no, I'm not on my way... oh, that's good... is you sister all right? ... She got moved? ... To where? ... Oh my God, I'm so sorry ... Uh, yeah, I need a ride if it isn't too much trouble. Thanks. See you in a bit. Bye." he hung up the phone and helped Emil get tucked in, he squirmed about, snuggled up tight with a stuffed animal of some sort - it was unrecognizable and had once been severely waterlogged - left out in the snow.

"Goodnight, Emil. Try not to be sprawled all over the middle of the bed when I get back - I need to sleep too, and you have lessons tomorrow so sleep well."

"Goodnight, Daddy. Be safe."

Lukas smiled and kissed Emil's cheek, caressing it with his fingers. He turned off the lights and collected his duffel bag from outside the door. He opened the front door and stepped out into the still, warm air of the night. He had to remind himself that this was America - it was summer and there was no snow... not even a bite to the air. He missed the way that winter could crush you or hold you like a baby in it's arms. He missed-

_Honk!_

Matilda's car - a silver Matrix - pulled into their car park, lights shining on the front door. Lukas locked the door and turned on the porch light before running stiffly to the car and sliding into the passenger seat. He put his duffel bag next to his feet and closed the door of the car.

"Hey Luke. How's Emil doing?"

"He's fine." his voice was raspy and unconvincing, but Matilda didn't question any further.

Lukas was actually busy gawking over Matilda's outfit. It was actually just an expensive pair of undergarments that (thankfully) covered everything, but her eyeshadow was beautifully done, the chapped lips he remembered were now full and lush.

"You look pretty tonight, Mat."

"Thanks. The boss said I needed to fill in for Alice. So, I, uh, did my own makeup for once."

Tch. Matilda hated looking so similar to her sister. It pained her to constantly be in other people's shadows. Lukas kept his mouth shut the rest of the way to their work, fidgeting because the clothes underneath his jacket and jeans were pinching him in odd places. Places that shouldn't be getting pinched.

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><p>When they arrived at the dingy building they pulled around to the back and got out of the car, both toting similar looking duffel bags with them. There was a strong, quiet man eying them from where he stood guard by the door. He had a Hawaiian shirt and dread-locks pulled back into a neat ponytail, his skin was chocolate brown and so were his eyes.<p>

"'ey, Mat."

"Hi, Ku." her cheeks grew pink as she shuffled past him, Lukas followed, only getting a glare. He kept his head down as he entered the building.

Girls were lined up against the wall, a tall, greasy-haired blond man was speaking to them harshly, walking up and down the line. Some of the girls flinched. Lukas threw his bag on the scruffy couch, as did Matilda, he began to strip down out of his jeans and hoodie revealing pale, wide thighs and a feminine figure. The white bra and underwear he sported were white and blended into his skin. Of course he had to hide his obvious parts or else he wouldn't be allowed to work there. They weren't visible and he was easily passed off as a girl. It would take hours of squinting to see that he was a man.

Ignoring their boss's lecture, he sat down and began to wrestle on his high-heels, sitting up and allowing Matilda to do his makeup. Her hand was jerky but when she lifted up the pocket mirror he saw that his purple eyes were lined with lavender, silver, and black. It wasn't something you would wear in public, but it was beautiful and reminded him of butterfly wings. "Thank you-"

"Fairy, you're starting the show tonight." Francis' voice boomed.

Lukas inwardly cursed his luck and stood up with little difficulty.

"Angel, Bunny, you get the other two poles."

He hadn't even noticed Taimi before this moment; she was backed up against the wall, shaking in black stiletto heels. Her blond hair met the middle of her shoulder blades and her eyes glistened with tears. After their boss left he approached her and held her in a stiff embrace. "Stop crying." he whispered coldly.

Taimi hiccuped but nodded nonetheless.

* * *

><p>Lukas, or Fairy, rather, didn't mind working the poles. He had gained the ability to smile and look pretty and ignore the grubby hands - belonging to even grubbier men - leaving money in his bra or underwear. Tonight was different though - it looked like someone had rented the place out. It was filled with young, perverted men loaded up on money from their upper-class parents. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered who's birthday it was.<p>

And then he saw him. Hair in horrible disarray, mouth parted and biting down on his tongue. Fairy recognized him - but couldn't remember his name. He had a bad habit of forgetting the names of people he didn't like.

Lukas didn't think about it too much; he walked out alongside 'Angel' and 'Bunny' and continued to dance in front of the men, sliding down the pole and making themselves reachable. Most of these customers were paying in twenties... Lukas even felt and saw someone slip a hundred deep into the back of his pants. He shivered. Turning around on the pole, he leaned down when beckoned by the man he barely recognized.

"I know who you are."

The words hit him like a ton of bricks. "Mikkel." he breathed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning:** Badly written lemon, strong mentions of mpreg, ideologically sensitive/offensive material. The lemon stops after the second dividing line. I'm not responsible for any scarring or traumatizing caused by this piece of writing. Read at your own risk. Not beta'd = lots of mistakes.

**A/N;** The first chapter of this was inspired by Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down, the video and the song had a big part. For this chapter In The Dark - DEV has a big part in this. c: I'm really dreading tomorrow so I decided to upload this today. Please review! I need feedback!

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><p><strong>Sex Drive: Push To Start<strong>

Fairy froze, much to the disappointment of the other men, who really had no idea what the big deal was. Eventually Mikkel turned on his heel and left, but Fairy still found his limbs to be locked up. Francis actually had to come out onto the stage and pry him away from the pole, crushing his arm in a bruising grip as he dragged him backstage and practically threw him on the couch. Lukas ducked his head and buried his face in his hands, clenching his legs together and bracing himself for the lecture that was about to happen.

"What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?" Francis accused harshly, beginning to pace in front of the other man, "You never act up or have fits on stage. It's always Bunny doing that. Not you."

"I couldn't... I didn't want to dance in front of him."

"Why not? You do what I tell you to do. Now you pick up your shit and go to your room to meet one of your new clients. Go."

"I just want to leave. I can work twice as much tomorrow-"

"Go. Now."

"Fuck you."

"What did you say?" Francis asked mockingly, crossing his arms over his chest and gesturing to the long, dark hallway where the back-rooms were located. Lukas bit his lip and didn't reply, starting to remove tips from himself and stuffing them into a side pocket of his duffel bag. He shouldered it and walked down the dirty hall, feeling Francis' eyes bore into his bare back.

_Don't look back, don't look back..._

* * *

><p>Lukas was not high-class, and he was not requested often, so he got the smallest room. He didn't like to sleep in his room, but he had had to do so on more than one occasion. The ceiling-fan was broken along with the light, and the lamp on the bedside table was dimmed, it flickered. Other than that it was a respectable room despite the activities that happened when the door was locked.<p>

The door was already open, so he had no need to unlock it. He stepped inside and set his bag down just inside the entrance. He moved to tug off the bra he wore, and dropped it on the floor.

The door was pushed closed, leaving Lukas blinded while his eyes tried to adjust to the dark room.

He reached out tentatively and his fingers collided with a rock-hard stomach, he was abruptly pulled into a strong hug. Lukas gasped instinctively when he was brought closer, but allowed the other's hands to explore him, thumbs dipping beneath the elastic of what little clothing covering him and rubbing small circles into his skin. Lukas grunted in discomfort, squirming in the other's grip.

"I didn't expect to find you here. I never thought I'd see you again." that deep voice addressing him was sad. Calloused fingers pulled away and Lukas heard shuffling of paper. Money. Money was being pressed into his hand. "I want to talk to you. That's it. Fifteen-hundred dollars to talk. Is that alright, Luke?"

Lukas didn't know what to say - he grabbed the money and tried to respond, but found that all his mouth could do was produce whimpering noises. Was Mikkel angry with him for running away last time? That had to be it. He would lure him somewhere and then kill him out of spite. Paranoia and guilt were fast setting in for the Norwegian man - who quickly tried to back away from the Danish man in front of him, breaking out of the hug.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. I only want to help."

Lukas then felt that Mikkel had undone the bandages underneath his underwear. He didn't feel embarassed, but felt more shocked that he hadn't noticed before. He gaped at the person shrouded in shadows and jabbed Mikkel in the chest with the wad of money.

"Take your money back; I don't want to talk to you."

Strong, muscled arms were wrapped around him, and Lukas' cheek was resting on the other's chest. Mikkel stroked his hair with his hand in a pleading manner, lips pressed softly to his forehead as he whispered. "Please tell me what I did wrong." Lukas let his arms snake around the other and slip the wad of money into the Dane's back pocket.

"Nothing. I just don't love you like I thought I did." That wasn't true, Lukas thought bitterly. He was just a coward, and he shouldn't have gotten involved with anyone during college, now he didn't have a job and he was saving money so he could go back to school. That one-night stand had been very different from right now. It had been Mikkel's birthday, that was about the only thing similar, they had both been a little tipsy, and only Mikkel had known what he was doing. Then Lukas had moved across seas; just to get away - without any word or farewell.

Lukas still hadn't seen Mikkel since he had frozen up on stage - and even then he hadn't gotten a good look at his face or body, just his eyes. He wanted to see how much he had changed in three years. Lukas could only see his eyes, sky-blue and innocent, longing and glazed over.  
>Lukas felt the other's knee rise up and begin to knead him, he felt the other's lips ghost over his own before pressing them together. No longer caring about his ability to see, he focused mostly on the other's movements; like a well-oiled, powerful machine. Lukas clung to Mikkel and arched his back slowly in a way that made Mikkel groan with desire.<p>

"Is there any way I can make you love me?" Mikkel whispered.

"I can give you anything you want, Mikkel." he gasped, releasing the other from his grip and feeling himself go weak in the knees as he was steered towards the bed, which creaked under their combined weight. It was a few minutes before Lukas had Mikkel's clothes off; he didn't even know what he was doing anymore. He was just giving his client what he paid for, he reassured himself (even though he didn't want to be paid for this and had already returned the money). A thumb parted his lips and brushed against his teeth, making room for more fingers to get moistened by saliva. Lukas ran his tongue over and in-between them, looking up at Mikkel with a look that said 'come and get me'.

Mikkel knew exactly how to get Lukas to react. He covered the other's lips with his own, he reached down and worked the other into a state of arousal so that he was writhing beneath him and letting out throaty moans, arching his back to meet each gentle touch and leaning up to give some of his own.

"Is this wrong?" Mikkel breathed out as he nipped at the other's collarbone, feeling blood well underneath his teeth.

_Yes. _Lukas wanted to reply, but he was cut off when his own hands betrayed him and began to touch the other's needy organ, stroking and squeezing. Mikkel's fingers rubbed softly around Lukas' entrance before slowly slipping in all at once and stretching Lukas fast, painfully. He let out pained gasps and moved in effort to guide Mikkel to his spot, but Mikkel knew where it was. For a while it was just Mikkel working Lukas closer to the edge with his fingers before he actually entered, and by that time Lukas had immediately lost it, white dancing in his vision and hips bucking in a steady, flowing rhthym; and Mikkel hadn't even started yet.

He moved slowly at first, that irritated Lukas who threw his hips up roughly when Mikkel was being too gentle. In response Mikkel thrusted in roughly, causing Lukas to cry out in pleasure and push back against him.

Sweat was practically dripping off of Mikkel when he finished, spilling inside Lukas. He stayed there for a moment, squinting at the man below him as Lukas gasped and tried to catch his breath. He was beautiful with his hair clinging to his forehead because of the thin sheen of sweat. His feminine body was soft to the touch, but Mikkel knew Lukas could turn into an animal if he pushed the right buttons at just the right time.

Lukas' head was swimming, he was leaking in-between his legs because he was too small for Mikkel. He squirmed more and sat up, leaning back on his hands, forcing Mikkel to pull out. _God, what have I done? _Lukas questioned briefly, he sighed and searched the dark for those blue eyes he had grown fond of, but they were cold now, and satisfied. So much for 'just talking'.

"I know you don't like the lights on."

It was true that that Lukas didn't like the lights on. It was so horrible to be aware of yourself when you were doing something so dirty and selfish. Sometimes he liked to pretend he was someone else when the lights were off. This time, however, he had wished that the lights were on.

Dancing in the dark was, by far, the best thing; better than dancing by yourself on a stage.

Lukas reached out, his fingers making contact with the other's flat, hard stomach. Mikkel's hand grabbed his and guided it farther up to his chest, directly above his heart. Lukas pulled his hand out of the other's hold and then grasped Mikkel's hand - gently showing it to his right hip, holding it there. He got onto his knees so that he was the other's height, he leaned in and parted his mouth, biting at the other's lower lip.

Mikkel leaned in slowly and pushed his tongue past the other's welcoming lips to tangle with Lukas' tongue, he slowly coaxed the other onto his back, feeling the other's hands grab at his spiked hair. Violet eyes dimmed, Lukas broke away and whispered, "I want to taste you."

Their touching was more consensual as the night wore on. Lukas found himself saying 'I love you' - he found himself allowing the other to cuddle him and caress his sides, peppering his face with butterfly kisses. He found himself pressing closer to the other's warm body and not caring that their legs were entangled. He found himself making the same mistakes he had made the first time.

* * *

><p>Lukas woke up to the sound of light knocking on the door. "Luke? Luke?" It was Taimi's voice.<p>

"I'll be right there!" Lukas called out, not really caring when Mikkel grunted and turned over, still trying to hold on to the smaller man next to him.

His mind was screaming in panic as he hauled himself out of bed, running around and stuffing his underwear into his duffel bag and hiking on his jeans and jacket, shoving on his shoes. He flattened his hair out and pulled a bottle of cheap cologne out of his bag, spraying it over himself and around the doorway in the effort to cover over the smell of sex. Lukas opened the door.

Taimi was there, holding hands with Emil, who looked up at Lukas and smiled softly. Taimi was the one to speak first, "I was on my way home and I saw him playing on my lawn all by himself. I lost my key to your house so I just brought him here. I don't care what you have to do, but take him, I have to go to my job. I'm sorry, I've got to go now..." Just like that she was racing down the hall, Lukas barely had time to register that she was wearing a Starbucks uniform. Right. He'd forgotten that she'd landed a job.

Lukas looked at Emil, then he looked over his shoulder at the sleeping Dane in his bed. He felt completely torn - he could wake Mikkel up and tell him goodbye, or he could just leave him like the whore he was.

_I'm doing this for Emil._

Emil however, saw the man in his bed and voiced his observation. "Who's that?"

"That's nobody, Emil. Come along now..." _He's someone very special who doesn't know you're alive._

Lukas grabbed on to Emil's outstretched hand and left the door partially open, making sure not to leave his bag - Francis would make sure Mikkel got up. He fled out the back door of the building, tugging Emil along with him and setting off down the sidewalk. Lukas knew it was his fault for not coming home like he said he would; that's why Emil had gone out in search of Taimi. Thank God he hadn't gotten lost, or hit by a car... or kidnapped, or-

"Daddy, am I in trouble?"

"No, sweetie."

"Then why are you angry?"

"Daddy isn't angry with you, baby." his patience just never seemed to run out for that pale, blue-eyed toddler. But he was obviously very distracted. Emil was a smart child and he understood that his Daddy was upset. His Daddy liked to have quiet time when he was upset.

Emil stopped talking, but half a mile later of slow walking he started to complain about his feet hurting. Lukas picked him up and held him on his side with his hip and hand. Granted, it was harder for him to walk and Emil started to doze off, but at least he got some time to think.

_I should have told Mikkel I was leaving. I should have told him about Emil. I should have apologized for him finding me where he found me. _

The distant roar of a car engine made all the hair on Lukas' body stand on end. He didn't pick up his pace, and he didn't slow down - he kept his pace and nestled Emil closer to himself, repositioning his duffel bag on his shoulder once more. A sleek black car sped around the corner of the neighborhood and came slowly up to the Norwegian man, who gazed at the tinted windows until they were finally rolled down, revealing Mikkel, who was looking rather upset himself.

"Mikkel, I-"

"You did it again."

"I know, I'm sorry, I have to take him home."

"Hop in. I'll drive you there."

Lukas obliged, opening the back seat and gently setting a still-sleeping Emil into it, buckling him up and them closing the door. He wished that he could buy Emil a new car seat, but he supposed that would have to wait. He then climbed into the passenger seat and crossed his arms over his chest - now he felt awkward. He smelled gross and the musky smell of his cologne wasn't helping cover the smell of sweat and sex. Mikkel smelled like he had just taken a shower.

They had been driving for around five minutes before either of them spoke. It was Mikkel.

"So... who's he?"

"This is Emil."

"How old?"

"About three."

"That's interesting."

Lukas didn't respond the rest of the way. He got out as soon as the car stopped and woke Emil up, telling him that he could skip his lessons today. He picked him up and Emil hid his face in Lukas' shoulder the moment he caught sight of the strange man he had never seen before. "Emil, it's all right..." he soothed, "This is Mikkel. He's a friend of Daddy's."

"Hey buddy~" Mikkel flashed a smile at the white-haired boy. Of course he had caught the hints Lukas had offered him - three years old. It had been almost four years since Lukas and Mikkel had met for the first time. Emil was the reason Lukas never tried to call Mikkel after that. He had been scared.

"Hi, Mikkel." Emil whispered as Lukas turned and started walking up to the house, peeking over his dad's shoulders, blue eyes looked at blue eyes. Mikkel felt strangely out of place in that little boy's gaze. He probably sat in his car in front of their house for an hour after that; watching as Lukas pretended to ignore him. Watching as Lukas made Emil some hot chocolate and sat him in front of the television so they could watch a movie together.

All the time he was wondering if they would be willing to allow him a space on the couch.


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING: **Pole-dancing, drug use (Netherlands appears in this chapter), OOC, mentions of mpreg and abuse.

You've been warned now so no complaining~

**NOTES: **If you hate this chapter then just hang in there - the next chapter will be some nice fluffy Den/Nor w/ Ice times. c:

**part with Netherlands inspired by my favorite artist:** Kid Cudi (song: Pursuit of Happiness)

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><p><strong>Tell Me What You Know About Night Terrors: Nothing<strong>

Fairy dabbed the corners of his eyes with a wet washcloth, he wiped away the makeup from his last performance - he changed his clothes from white to black and wiped pink lipstick off, applying a thick sheen of red to his chapped, trembling lips. The black leather acted as a second skin - he was surprised he could move around in it. It really was an awkward outfit that Francis was making him wear tonight - the leather went down to his ankle on the left side, but not on the right, the sleeve went down to his wrist on the right side, but not on the left; it was awful...

Sure, he had worn more revealing things before - but tonight was different.

Mikkel had suggested that they move in with him - because the Danish man had been worried about them living in the neighborhood they had been living in. Lukas had reluctantly agreed after seeing how large Mikkel's house was - two stories, a living room, a separate room for the dining room, he even had a flat-screen television and enough rooms for each of them to sleep in a separate one. Emil had been so excited about getting to have his own room, and Lukas couldn't say no to two sets of ice blue eyes egging him on. It was scary how they had the same eyes, Lukas thought, even though they looked nothing alike, otherwise.

"You look delicious tonight, _Fée." _Francis purred - interrupting Lukas' train of thoughts - stepping inside Fairy's room with a predatory smirk. Lukas glared at him in the mirror, not turning to face him, not even when that _vile, disgusting, pig of a man_ stood right behind him and ran his hairy hands over the leather covering his thighs. He let the other lean forward and kiss his neck; nipping at that smooth, milky skin.

He was disgusted, but he didn't show it. He would never show anything towards that stupid man other than the same dead-panned look he gave to everyone else. He continued to give Francis the cold shoulder until he left. Then he continued readying himself for another night - taking a few swigs of stale water and making sure his outfit looked alright.

Francis often called this establishment a 'house of love'. But there was no love here - there was sex. Lukas supposed they were similar. Perhaps love was just sex with a bit of fondness for the person you were fucking, or being fucked by. Yes, that could be the only explanation.

* * *

><p>In the corner of the living room was a birdcage lined with blankets at the bottom. Mikkel thought it was important that a child have an amazing first pet. Emil's new pet happened to be an illegal bird Mikkel had purchased from a close friend - it was a baby puffin with fluffy grey down and a colorful beak. It was asleep now, tucked into the blankets oh-so-lovingly by little Emil.<p>

Emil looked away from the television to where Mikkel was reclining in his chair. The Danish man raised a skeptical eyebrow in his direction, wordlessly asking what was wrong. The pale child bit his lip and stood up, pouting in the most pathetic way Mikkel had ever seen.

"I want to sit on the chair with you. It's cold on the floor." Emil grumbled, already starting to clamber up next to the strong man. As soon as Emil got settled - he fell asleep in Mikkel's arms, snoring softly, chest rising and falling slowly.

Mikkel found that his own eyelids were starting to feel heavy. Just as he was about to give in to sleep, Emil's eyes fluttered open.

"You aren't going to hurt Daddy, are you?" the question shocked Mikkel.

"No, never, Emil. Why would you ask that?"

"People like you have hurt Daddy before."

"People like me?"

"Strangers..."

"I'm not a stranger, buddy."

* * *

><p>The most important thing about this was remaining detached. You acted like you thought they were sexy, you acted like you wanted them to do all kind of dirty things to you, then you simply stood up and strutted to the next guy - never giving anything away. At least that was what Lukas had been doing; after all - he didn't want to get any diseases, and it was really difficult to convince these guys to use protection. So why even bother?<p>

He slid down the cold pole, looking out breath and full of lust, he felt greedy when he bent down lower and brushed the side of one man's stubble-covered chin to convince him to slip that twenty into the opening of his outfit.

_This isn't my fault._ His thoughts swam through the haze as he collected one more 'tip' before leaving the stage. He sat down on the couch along with the other girls and picked the bills from his waist and chest, counting the wrinkled paper deftly before folding it up. _Stupid Mik, that fucking idiot. _

Never mind that Lukas was a coward.

Never mind that he had tried to quit everything he started. Everything except Emil. Because even before Lukas knew Emil, he loved him and never wanted anything bad to happen to him. Sometimes he wished that he was that protective over himself. Why be so protective over an item, a product, a slut? _Why did you even find me, Mikkel? Stupid... I don't need your help._

"Isn't it about time you went home to that perfect little family of yours, mon amour?" Francis crowed, shoving another girl and a distressed-looking Taimi aside before collapsing next to Lukas, nonchalantly putting an arm around his shoulders.

"My business is none of yours."

"How is your baby doing?"

That crossed the line. This false concern was unforgiveable. Lukas huffed and folded the last of the money in his hand, stuffing the money into his bag and standing up.

"You do still have the little brat, correct? You stupid, stupid-"

"Don't you dare talk about him in that manner."

"Why ever not, love~?"

"He's not yours to talk about."

Francis got up and tried to follow Lukas out the back door, but Ku told him not to. Usually Francis wouldn't listen to the guard - who was also the bouncer - but he figured Lukas didn't want to play any sick games tonight.

* * *

><p>It was two in the morning when Lukas found himself in the passenger's seat with a drunk driver - headed towards a house party to hang out in the man's room. The people in this house were either dead drunk and asleep, or stoned and raiding the kitchen. His name was apparently Lars; he seemed decent - he had told Lukas he was an author.<p>

"Come up and have a smoke with me...uh... name?"

"Fairy."

"N'aw, your real name, dude."

"Luke."

Lars grabbed Lukas's hand and led him up the dirty carpeted stairs to his bedroom which was filled with stacked papers, smoke, and a muted television on the news channel. There was a bottle of red wine and five unrolled blunts on his desk along with a few open books and an old flip phone. The Norwegian man sat down on the unmade bed, watching through glazed eyes as Lars began to smoke. He accepted a blunt from him, but didn't smoke it.

"C'mon, let loose, Luke - it's just weed."

Lukas quirked an eyebrow before reluctantly pressing the blunt to his lips and inhaling. He felt light the moment he did, and all of a sudden the leather that clung to his skin felt really uncomfortable.

A few hours later seemed like a few years - Lars put an arm around Lukas's shoulders and forced him to lie next to him on the bed. Smoke was pooling at the ceiling, and Lukas was mesmerized by it - like he was seeing words up there, angel faces, things telling him that it would be all right in the end.

"We're all whores in the end, aren't we? We're all destined to be fucked over at some point."

Luke closed his eyes and got closer. Lars felt like a friend now - Lukas didn't know why; but that arm around him was saying 'Just let me talk to you. I need to get out some inspiration'. "Mhmph."

"Do you ever feel like... shit - I don't know how to ask this... er..."

"Like there's something else?"

"Yeah... that."

Mumbling drowsily and inching closer, Lukas answered, "Yes... 'feel like that all the time."

"What did you want to be, Luke?"

"I can't even remember anymore."

"Well then what do you want to be _now?" _

"I want to be... be... someone my family doesn't have to hide."

"Then why don't you start?"

"I'm trying."

"Doing is always better than trying."

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><p><strong>AN;**

Don't judge me for this piece of shit - I have a high fever. :c


	4. Chapter 4

**SORRY:** Here's an update, lovelies. Lots have been asking for it... so I figured I would finish this off even though I feel like if I took more time on these chapters it would have turned out better.

**warning;** Mostly family fluff. c:  
><strong>notes; <strong>I'm sorry my muse was dead for as long as it was. I've been having a rather... tough time. And writing has not been a priority. I plan on rewriting some of these chapters because I feel my writing has improved a little. There's probably plot holes and... eh, whatever. xD  
><strong>song;<strong> Momentum - The Hush Sound (I'll probably write a oneshot to this later)

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><p><strong>Should I Show You 'Me'?<strong>

Emil was fooled into thinking a creature had broken into their house the moment the door closed. After all, why else would anyone go through such a great effort not to be heard? He was just thinking he ought to get up and sick Mr. Puffin on the intruder, but Mikkel sat up, thinking Emil was still asleep and stumbled on weary feet to the kitchen to confront the intruder- creature - monster - whatever had decided to break into their house that evening.

The Icelandic child clenched his eyes tight and pretended to be asleep. He listened hard to the voices coming from the hall but he couldn't make out any complete sentences.

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><p>"What the hell are you <em>wearing?<em>" Mikkel gaped at Lukas as he tried to keep his voice hushed. Lukas's lips curved downward in a frown and crossed his arms. How was he supposed to say what he needed to?

He moved forward, stood on his toes and wrapped his lithe arms around the Dane's strong neck, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. Mikkel sighed and captured the other in an embrace, and rested his head on the other's shoulder.

"I know there's been a lot of changes lately..."

Mikkel didn't respond. Lukas didn't expect him to. Even though he hadn't done anything that night; he still smelled of someone else - someone else's house, bed, and skin.

"I know I hurt you that night I walked out-" Lukas choked a bit on his words - he prided himself on being unfeeling and able to handle any situation. So what the fuck was _this? _"And I'm sorry for that. You deserved an explanation and I refused to give one. But... now that you've met him... do you want us to stay? I'm willing to stay, to stop, I mean."

Lukas held Mikkel tighter. Part of him was afraid he would say no and make them leave - or even worse - force Lukas to leave and keep Emil. It wouldn't be terribly hard to take a child away from a prostitute, after all, and Emil was certainly happier than he had been in quite a while. What had been Lukas been doing the past few years?Prancing around with a fake smile and a broken heart trying in vain to fix all the mistakes he'd made? _What a waste of time... _he thought bitterly as he dug his fingers into the fabric of Mikkel's shirt and allowed himself to exhale, his breath tickled the nape of the other's neck.

"I've always wished that you'd stayed with me. It would have been so much easier on all of us if we just took care of each other. But I understand that you were scared. We all act out of character when we're frightened - I know."

They pulled away and Lukas was shocked to see tears welled up in Mikkel's clear blue eyes - tears that refused to be shed. But he had this stupid grin on his face that made Lukas blink in surprise. Was he going to-

"Mummy?"

Lukas snapped his head around to stare at the disheveled mop of white hair atop his child's head. Emil had apparently thought it wise to take the groggy puffin out of its cage just in case some magical creature had broken into the house and hurt Mikkel - he cradled it like it was a baby and the puffin rested its beak in the crook of the boy's arms. Lukas wanted to comment on how late it was...

Then the name sunk in...

_"Mummy? I'm not-" _But he _was._ Was this was happened when you brought someone in who behaved in a more masculine fashion? Lukas was positive he didn't know _all_ the inner-workings of a young child's mind. But Emil had always been taught at school that there was a mom and a dad - so it wasn't all that unthinkable that he would just assume it was all right to-

Mikkel let out a hearty chuckle, squatting down so he was eye-to-eye with Emil. He smiled and Emil offered one back, looking somewhat hopeful.

"Mummy-dear is going to take a shower and then we'll go for a family outing, all right, buddy?"

Lukas gaped momentarily, before recovering and crossing his arms, grumbling to himself. 'Mummy'... pfft.

Emil started to bounce up and down, still looking Mikkel straight in the eyes. "An outing? Does that mean we'll get ice cream? Can we go to the park? Do I-"

"It's still early - sleep, baby. We'll wake you up when it's time to go get breakfast."

"Oh... all right. Will you tuck me in?"

And in unison, they nodded.

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><p>Lukas had decided he was only going to take a short shower; but that plan was thwarted when Mikkel suddenly decided he needed to take a shower as well. So while he was washing his hair he had to fight off the other's strong hands grabbing him and pulling him close, he fought very hard to not comment on the tender kisses placed on his neck and shoulders.<p>

"Mikkel, stop that."

"Aw, why? I missed you..." Mikkel thought it was all right to accentuate this by leaving a warm open mouthed kiss on his shoulder blade.

"I know you missed me. But unless you wish to get soap in your mouth I suggest you stop."

Mikkel scoffed at the indirect threat and moved on to excuses. "You're clean... and we have time."

"I'm tired, Mikkel. It was your idea to promise Emil a day out so I'd like to get an hour or two of sleep first." Lukas turned the faucet off and stepped out, Mikkel in tow. He dried himself and ruffled his hair with the towel. Mikkel dried himself off and grabbed the mousse on the counter, spiking his hair and patting cologne on his cheeks and neck. It was odd how different his bathroom looked with all of Lukas's things in there. His hair was fair and went down to his chin so he had his own products, a comb, and a hairpin that resembled a cross - it was something Lukas had been wearing since he was a child; Mikkel recalled Lukas wearing it when they were in college, too.

As he watched Lukas arch his lithe body to pin his hair, he remembered how beautiful and full of life he had been once. But now all his movements were practiced and perfect, just like everything else he did... but numb. Could he feel anything at all?

The continued getting dressed. Lukas in dark jeans, clingy shirt that went down past his thighs, and white socks. Mikkel in ratty jeans and whatever clean shirt he managed to find. Then they both lay down on the bed; one of Mikkel's arms was wrapped securely around Lukas's narrow waist.

He was positive Lukas had drifted off to sleep, he nuzzled against the other's hair and closed his eyes, he felt himself starting to enter sleep-

"Did he miss me, Mikkel?"

"Ngh...hm?"

Lukas inquired this more softly, so soft and unsure Mikkel had a hard time hearing him, "Did my baby miss me?"

"Of course he missed you."

"...But did he really?"

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><p>It was three hours later when Lukas woke up slow to the sound of Mikkel fumbling to help Emil get his shoes on. He craned his neck and stared through the fog of sleep to see Emil sticking his leg up and Mikkel trying and failing to help him get his shoe on. He couldn't help the smirk that appeared on his lips then, he got up, having slept fully-clothed he was all ready to go.<p>

He walked over and knelt down next to the both of them, he decided to drop a snarky comment after he took over and got Emil's shoes on.

"What's the matter _Daddy_? Don't know how to put shoes on?"

Mikkel just chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck a little nervously.

Emil just looked at them, confused.

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><p>They went to go get breakfast at a small diner. Lukas didn't remember what they ate and drank - he only remembered Emil making some cute remark that made Mikkel's face light up. He remembered laughing a little himself when Emil got whipped cream on his nose, Mikkel took some with his finger and put some on his own nose, <em>leaned<em> across the table and Eskimo kissed him - the waiter thought them weird to see the lot of them with whipped cream on their noses. But Lukas felt warmth pool in his chest, his heart swelling with affection.

They walked around the neighborhood for a few hours, and when Emil got tired Lukas offered to hold him - but Mikkel thought it would be a better idea if he put the other on his shoulders, so he did. Emil giggled at this and raised his hands above his head yelling, "I'm a giant!" Lukas covered his smile with one hand and slid easily up against the Danish man's side.

They passed by a small bakery, sweet smells wafting from the door every time someone walked out of them. Lukas kept on walking but Mikkel and Emil stopped to drool by the window, then they both turned and put on their 'pretty please~' faces. Lukas deadpanned.

Ten minutes later they found themselves sitting on a park bench, Emil biting into a cookie much bigger than his head and kicking his short legs over the edge of the bench nonchalantly. He passed the cookie over to his 'mom' who seemed much too distressed at the fact the two were constantly teaming up against him to notice Emil at all.

"Mummy...?" Emil frowned, raising the cookie up so it was right in front of Lukas's face, "Do you want some?"

Oh gods no... not the puppy eyes.

"Sure, Emil. Thank you." he smiled and took a small bite, when he looked up Mikkel had a look of concentration on his face. "What?" Lukas spat.

"You're really beautiful when you smile."

"Sh."

"I mean it." he insisted.

"What's Daddy talking about?" Emil piped up, face covered in cookie crumbs.

"Nothing." Lukas said quickly.

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><p>Later that night when they were sure Emil was asleep in his room, they changed out of their shirts and pants and clambered into the Dane's king-sized bed, holding each other for warmth. Legs entangled and breathing steady, Lukas could feel the other's heart beating slow under skin, bone, and muscle - it comforted him. It had been so long since a controlled heartbeat had reached his ears; not erratic and out of control.<p>

He was glad his viking had found him.

"I'm glad my fairy still loves me..." the Dane mumbled, half-conscious. Lukas felt a pang in his heart. One that quickly evaporated with the next few words uttered,

_"... and that he remembers how to smile."_

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><p><strong>AN;**

Shoot me, now. Please. Oh gods what did I just write? Anyways, this is the end. It's late and this is probably riddled with mistakes but for now just ignore them until I get around to editing and tell me what you think. The OOC is horrendous, I know. -hearts-

Thanks to those of you who decided to stick with me 'til the end! I love you all!


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